Operation Munchkin

I became a little more of a woman today.

I *simultaneously* steered a baby stroller with one hand, using the other hand to give pushes to a training wheeled-munchkin who kept hanging herself up on potholes. All the while I singing loudly and in my most Dory'ish voice, "Just keep peddlin', just keep peddlin', just keep peddlin', peddlin', peddlin' to the other munchkin who was quickly mastering only having two wheels on her bike.
While running 8:45/min miles. That counts for 6:00/min miles in real life, right?
Albeit, 8:45 is an average between a steady shuffle and many, many sprints backwards and ahead to rescue children and bikes from ditches, give pushes, reattach small foot ware etc.

Did I mention I had a spare diaper in my running bra?

Today I realized that my lap is much bigger than I thought. Two medium sized children and one baby, with an assortment of stuffed animals, snuggies and a book balanced precariously in front of my face can all fit. What I want to know is how does my lap reflect on the size of my butt?

Today I had a six year old offer to do my homework for me if I would do her chores for a week. Of course I took her up on it, but promptly had the deal backed out of when said munchkin realized my homework was in a 'chapter book'.

I've now de-gutted and explained the anatomy of three pumpkins, and none of them were mine.

I can explain a math problem, dictate spelling words and play peekaboo simultaneously.

I know the theme song to The Cat in the Hat, Curious George, Caillou, Martha Speaks and any other show on PBS.

I'm writing this so that when I actually become a mother, with munchkins that I don't return at the end of the day, I can laugh at all of my previous "accomplishments".

I should probably add that I also lit the toast on fire, and car seats confuse the dickens out of me.

Always Remember and Never Forget

We all have dates that we remember, for one reason or another. All of us remember our birthdays; some of us even remember our mother’s. We remember holidays, car crashes, the passing of loved ones, weddings, births, and probably the year Christopher Columbus found North America.
Throughout history, the ratio of happy endings to tragedies has always been a harsh reality. Wives kissed sailors goodbye, not knowing how many seasons would pass before their return..Families watched soldiers gather their weapons and march away..Mothers buried sons, children grew up fatherless. Death has always surrounded us, and is as much a part of our life as our existence is.
September 11th is a day I remember as a vague memory; there is merely acquired feeling attached to it, as I was only 11 years old when the Trade Centers fell. Death to me held little meaning beyond the realm of temporary goldfish. As I have grown up, I have come to respect the significance of that day. For many people, that day defines their lives more than their birthday or anniversary does. Some wounds will never heal until time has made that date into only a notation in a history book. It was that day, however, that created the vow to “never forget”, in the hearts of Americans. It was that day that defined the fate of thousands of lives to come.
This week, 31 more of those marked lives were lost. They will never be forgotten; especially by those who loved them most dearly. Wives, children, parents, and fellow soldiers; these people will define the rest of their lives as “before” and “after”, starting now . Let’s honor those who bear most horribly the scars of this loss. Without them, it might be your door being knocked upon tonight; it might be you holding a folded flag. It could be you who has to plan no more birthdays, no more holidays; merely a funeral. It could be you with a raw nose and swollen eyes; running out of Kleenex as the night deepens. It could be you gathering all the photos you can, because no more will be taken. I hope and pray that it is not.
As a nation, some of us will forget the fallen. We will watch the news and shake our heads, turn off the TV and go to bed. Those who gave their lives will not know the difference. Those who cannot sleep, those who are searching for a grip, those who see no end to this sudden pain; they will.
Today, remember those who can never forget.

Well Butter my Butt and Call me a Biscuit

Today was the sort of day where, if you set you apple on the counter, it would fall to the floor.
And you wouldn't bother to pick it up.
Today was the sort of day where, if you tripped over your apple and dropped your toast, it would land face down.
And you would walk away.
Today was the sort of day where, if you happened to have dropped your toast on the floor at work, the supervisor who never comes around would, for unknown reasons, pass through your office, and step on dropped toast.
And you would hide under your desk and plan a vacation.
Today was the sort of day where, if you were on an African safari, you would get trampled by elephants.
And you would survive.
Today was the sort of day where, if you were recovering from an elephant trampling, you would be suddenly struck with the chicken pox, and not be able to scratch under your bandages.
And you would be threatened with a straight jacket.
Today was the sort of day where, if you were Robin Hood, Maid Marion would leave you for Friar Tuck.
And you would flee to France.
Today was the sort of day where, if you were French, all of your souffles would crash, and the wine would be gone.
And you would drink cold coffee.
Today was the sort of day where, if you were drinking cold coffee, you would spill it on your clean shirt.
And you would change into the hoodie you keep in your car.
Today was the sort of day where, if you were wearing a hoodie, without a shirt underneath, and without a shirt to change into, the temperature would soar.
And you would think about putting your stained shirt back on.
Today was the sort of day where, if you were sweaty and sticky and nasty, in a hoodie on a hot day, your deodorant would be nowhere to be found.
And you would walk around like a penguin with your arms at your sides.
Today was the sort of day where the cute guy down the hall who never speaks to you, would stop to ask why you were walking like a flightless bird.
And you would go home.
Today was the sort of day where your socks don't match, the whipped cream can explodes in your fridge, your toothbrush is missing in action, the last page of your mystery is torn out, your tooth starts to hurt, you stub your toes on every conceivable protruding point that your feet come across, and your goldfish dies.
And you call your mother.
Today was the sort of day where, for first time in a million years, your mom doesn't pick up the phone, and you get to hear about your little brother's lego collection for the next 20 minutes.
And it makes you smile.
Today was the sort of day that ended with a smile.

Foodie Post: 06/06/11 Summer Sweet Pea Pesto Quinoa

Yes yes...I'm a little stuck on the quinoa. It's just..so much less boring than brown rice. Or oatmeal. Or all those other "good for you" grains one was raised on. Oh, and it cooks much faster, thus making it a favorite of this anti-microwave person. (I don't believe in tempting cancer to strike for the convenience of quick cooking.)

Summer Sweet Pea Pesto Quinoa
1/2 cup dry quinoa + 1 cup water
1 package Simply Organic Pesto Mix
1 can sweet peas
1 can mushrooms or 1/2 cup chopped fresh
1/2 cup diced yellow onion
1/2 cup diced avocado
2 Tbl nutritional yeast
Sea salt, cayenne pepper

1. Rinse quinoa and prepare. Fluff.
2. Saute onions and mushrooms until golden.
3. Drain peas, reserving juice.
4. Whisk pesto mix (or put in container and shake vigorously) and liquid from the peas until homogeneous.
5. Toss together all ingredients except for avocado, and let rest at least an hour for flavors to absorb. (I like to chill mine in the fridge and serve as a cold salad.)
6. Add avocado and season with salt and cayenne pepper to serve.

Foodie Post: 6/6/11 Ginger Molasses Quinoa Cookies

Ginger Molasses Quinoa Cookies
1 cup flour (I used a mix of whole wheat pastry flour and oat flour)
1/2 cup uncooked quinoa
1 cup milk (I used soy milk)
1/2 cup pumpkin or carrot puree
1 egg (I used EnerG egg replacer)
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/8 tsp cloves
2 tsp ground ginger
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 cup molasses (I used organic black strap molasses for these cookies, you get a richer flavor while using less)
1/3-1/2 cup raw sugar, depending how sweet you like your cookies

1. Rinse your quinoa, at least twice. Toast in pan until fragrant, add milk and spices. Bring to scald if using real milk, bring to boil if using non-dairy. Cover and cook on low at least 10 minutes, until liquid is absorbed. Turn off heat, keep covered and let rest at least 5 minutes. Fluff.
2. Whisk together the rest of your dry ingredients. Puree your wet ingredients in blender or food processor, except for the egg.
3. Combine wet and dry, fold in egg and quinoa.
4. Bake at 350 until just set. (Approximately 10-12 minutes.)

Foodie Formulas

 I like rules that always work.  I am a person who needs consistency. A recipe is like a formula; that is part of its appeal to me. However, since recipes were first created, the foodie world has grown and expanded in leaps and bounds. Absolutely anything can be customized, substituted, tailored and altered to the palate, values, and nutritional needs of any person. Recipes are a dime a dozen. So here is my challenge: To have one formula, made up of variables, which is able to create a consistent product. Take chocolate chip cookies for example: Pick your flour, sweetener, binder, leavener, and moisturizer. Use the formula to calculate your proportions and thus your measurements and viola, cookies for anyone and everyone.

 Life is not consistent. You will not always have exactly what you need to be able to make what you are trying to create. But if the end product is ALWAYS equal to the sum of its parts, then the parts can be substituted interchangeably. So, this is not your traditional foodie blog. There will be tons of recipes, tons of trial and error, but the end result is not meant to be strictly recipes. The end result I’m searching for is a formula.

Leaveners, moisteners, binders etc are not in categories of their own. Your leavener could be a wet OR a dry ingredient. If you choose to switch which side of the spectrum it falls into by which ingredient you are using toward your end result, you have to compensate to balance the recipe. For instance, if you choose to substitute honey or agave nectar for white sugar, you suddenly have a greater ratio of wet ingredients to dry, and your product will become much more dense. Or, if you want to substitute stevia/erithritol/xanthan gum/(or heaven forbid) aspartame, all products which are several hundred times sweeter than sugar, all of a sudden you have to compensate for having much less dry ingredients. And let us not forget that sugar adds a serious moisture kick to a product, so you may have to add some type of fat. Enough rambling for this post.

Sunshine Muffins

(vegan)

3 cups whole wheat flour

1/3 cup oat bran

1/3 cup sugar (organic)

2 tsp baking powder

½ tsp baking soda

½  tsp cayenne pepper

2 tsp cinnamon

¾ cup carrot juice

½ cup apple sauce (unsweetened)

2 TBL maple syrup

2 TBL virgin coconut oil

1 cup chopped peach

2 TBL agave or maple syrup

½ cup walnuts

½ cup rolled oats

1.       Chop or grind walnuts. Combine with agave or maple syrup and oats until crumbly. This is your topping.

2.       Whisk together dry ingredients

3.       Pulse wet ingredients in blender to ensure they are well combined.

4.       Combine wet and dry ingredients; gently fold in peaches. DO NOT OVERMIX.

5.       Portion into muffin tin, or loaf pan. Sprinkle with topping.

6.       Bake at 375 until light and fluffy (12-15 minutes).

I really liked these, next time though I would add a tsp or two of erithritol, and probably another 1/3 cup of carrot juice for sweetening and moisture.

Spinach-Mushroom Stroganof

8 ounces fettuccini or spaghetti pasta

½ cup chopped onion

1-1/2 cups sliced mushrooms

Large handful of fresh spinach =)

2 TBL minced garlic

I cup beef stock

2 TBL Dijon mustard

1 TBL soy sauce (or Worscheshire)

Splash of red wine* optional

2 TBL flour by itself OR

1 TBL corn starch mixed with:

 ½ cup cold (plain) soy milk

½ tsp cayenne pepper

½ tsp cumin

1.       Cook pasta according to package directions

2.       Saute onion and mushrooms until caramelized. Add spinach and let wilt. Deglaze with wine.

3.       Add flour and stir constantly for about a minute. Don’t let it scorch!

(Skip this step if you are using corn starch.)

4.       Add garlic, stock mustard, and soy sauce. Bring to a simmer. Add soy milk (and thus the corn starch) and let thicken. Add more milk if too thick. Season to taste. Serve over noodles.

Enough with Labels.

Well, here goes, yet another foodie blog. As if cyberspace needs another one to further confuse it about food quality. You can find blogs about everything these days: vegan, vegetarian, gluten-free-vegans, almost-but-I-can’t-give-up-eggs-vegans, gluten-free foodies, sugar-free-health-nuts, kosher-flourless, organic-cruelty-free, raw foodies, food-network-addicts, blah, blah, blah. Everyone has a different aspect on quality food. Every person has a different reason that they are looking for “healthy”. For people with allergies or intolerances, “healthy” takes on a different definition entirely. If you try and follow all of the different opinions, lifestyles, exclusionary diets and LABELS out there, you will end up  just drinking water, because as far as I know there has not been a trend started against that. Yet. But you probably would call yourself “water-free”. It would be something like vegan-nonfat-gluten free- kosher-raw-sugar free-low carb-all organic “foodie”.

For me, food is a journey. Food has been a healing process. Food is something that the more I get into, the more I feel I am in over my head. I am a self proclaimed health nut. Because of all the different definitions of “health” on the market today, sometimes it gets confusing doing research for my own kitchen. From my point of view though, food should not be exclusionary. I should not be constantly trying to rid my palate of certain elements of cuisine. Food should be inclusionary. In every dish that I prepare, I would like to know that it is doing my body the most good that it possibly can. Granted, I have no allergies, I can digest just about anything my palate desires. But that is why this blog is not to benefit anyone carrying a label. If it can help you in your own quest for health, great; but these recipes are being tailored explicitly for the kitchen of Brenna Cliver, and her quest for health. If you keep reading I hope you come to understand how this blog functions as a band aid, as therapy, as education, and most of all, a battle.

Nutty Banana Bread (Take 1)

(Gluten-free, sugar-free, vegan, no added fat)

Ingredients:

1 cup raw almonds

1 cup raw walnuts

½ cup whole, rolled oats

1 tsp baking soda

½ tsp baking powder

½ tsp salt

1 TBL erithritol (4 packets Truvia)

2 tsp cinnamon

¼ tsp nutmeg

2 TBL ground flaxseed + 6 TBL water

2 aged bananas

1 cup plain soymilk (or non-dairy milk of choice)

1 tsp vanilla

1.       First, grind your flaxseed. You can buy ground flax, but I prefer to grind them as I need them, it keeps the omega-3’s from being destroyed or going rancid. (I keep my flax seed in the freezer, and my walnuts) Mix your flax meal with water, stir, set aside to thicken. This is your binder, since there are no eggs in this recipe.

2.       Next, make your flour from the almonds, walnuts and oats. You can do this in your blender or food processer, just remember to clear around the blade frequently or it will bind up. Whisk together with rest of dry ingredients.

3.       Puree together the bananas and soymilk.

4.       Fold together the dry, the wet and the binder. Pour into well greased loaf pan. (If you flour your pan, remember that adds a minimal amount of gluten.)

5.       Bake at 400 for 10 minutes, then reduce heat to 325 for another hour.

Okay..If I was attempting to make a delicious custard-style banana bread with a nutty crust, I would have been extremely successful. Tomorrow I’ll adjust the moisture content and I have a few ideas on how to make fluff-not-fudge. We shall see. Other than the obvious flaws, this recipe is a powerhouse of good-for-you-stuff. Fiber, Omega-3’s, potassium, natural sugar, metabolism boosting cinnamon, lean protein..there’s really not much to not love.

Forever Letters.

You can call and say I love you8
You can play me pretty notes7
Leave flowers on my window sill 8
Or to your friends can boast. 6

You can take me out to dinner
But the things that mean the post
Is not the box of chocolates
But what comes with the post.

A missive in your scribbley hand
My name scrawled on the front
A rumpled, folded piece of you
A letter to my heart.

You say I'm often on your mind
So send these thoughts my way
What is expressed when you take the time
Is more than words to me.

Twenty, thirty years from now
All else may be gone
Memories fade and roses droop
Letters linger on.

Middle school madness.

Since the weather has started warming up, spring has been springing, snow melting, everyone has been getting their tags for pink and purple bunny hunting, all that jazz etc etc, it's become my recent habit to walk to work. Today was no exception, I rather like being outside for the last few minutes before I'm cooped up in a hot kitchen for most of the afternoon. Lime green backpack in tow, I'm meandering down my street, for the most part lost in the mental fog that accompanies morning time. Behind me I hear the school bus stop and pick up the kids at the house next to mine. As I hear it continue towards me I scoot off the road to give it room. I find it odd that the bus seems to be slowing down as it approaches me..in fact, it pulls past where I am...and stops.

No. Way. But the doors begin to open....No. Freaking. Way. It's not even the high school bus! I have just been mistaken for a middle schooler. A pimple attacked, boobs finally appearing, boys might not be entirely gross, Hannah Montana is my hero, fashion disaster that describes most 14 year olds.

Actual statements I endured the rest of the day:

Billy- "Don't get smart with me Brenna; I'll call headstart and tell them where you are!"

John: "There's someone here to see you Brenna. I think it's the truancy officer!"

Darryl: "Just because you look like a middle schooler doesn't mean you need to like Justin Bieber, remember that!"

Mirror

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Have I got it?
Cause mirror, you've always told me
Who I am.
I'm finding it's not easy
To be perfect.
So sorry, you don't define me.
So sorry, you don't own me.

Feb 15 and a Recipe

Well, today I woke up feeling about as motivated toward gym-going as I am about things like taxes, watching small children and receiving extensive dental work. However, the mid-winter Hawaii being-seen-in-a-swimsuit issue occurring in two weeks is ridiculously motivational. With as white as I am though, spectators will most likely be blinded enough to not notice the Valentines chocolate clinging to my hips. I did go though, and treated myself to a peppermint-soy latte afterward. I would drink these every day except I'm one of those people who thinks $4/gallon for gas is expensive, so $4 for a 12 oz latte is slightly ridiculous. (By the way, that would be $42.67/gallon for you math buffs out there trying to figure it out to leave a smarty-pants comment. Beat ya to it.)

Today was the day where I try to catch up on all the responsibilities that I've been slacking on, and to try and predict the close-range-future responsibilities that will soon be calling my name and take care of them too, so that I can be excusably lazy in my free time. So today I deep cleaned my kitchen, attempted to match my socks, wrote letters to my little siblings in reply to the stack of letters they have sent to me. And believe me, they know exactly how many I owe them. These letters are pretty easy to reply to, however, usually consisting of topics about tree forts with elevators, dead squirrels, lego sets, gum wrapper collections, and the various cootie exchanges they have been subjected to in the past few weeks.

I also went shopping today; that took up the majority of my afternoon. Now, don't start laughing because you think that shopping is not a chore, I didn't even get near the shoe section of Fred Meyers. I'm one of those people who can spend hours, hours, in the food department, comparing brands and prices and quality and new products blah blah blah...all while a virtual list of future recipes and foodie ideas floats through my head. Yes, I am a nut case. A hazel-wal-almond-pecan-pea-NUT case.

I knew I wanted to try something new for dinner tonight, but I wasn't sure what. I've pretty much exhausted the realms of sweet potatoes and pumpkins, yet winter vegetables are still in their prime season (and are my personal favorites). Viola, the squash; butternut to be precise. The recipe I came up with I am rather proud of for several reasons: 1) It was, for the most part, entirely from my head. (I did google what was the fastest way to cook my squash.) 2.) I did not waste any part of the vegetable. 3.) I stuck to this month's resolution of cooking with no animal products and still producing perfectly palatable and nutrition food. So here goes. And you can use any winter vegetable you choose for this, it doesn't have to be butternut squash. Sweet potatoes, yellow yams, rutabagas, carrots etc..

Rustic Winter Vegetable Pot Pie with Sweet Potato Biscuit Topping
Vegetable Filling:
2 cups your choice winter veg, cooked.
1/2 cup chopped yellow onion
2 stalked chopped celery
1 cup button mushrooms, quartered
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 cup firm tofu, cubed (optional, substitute protein of your choice if you don't like tofu)
1/2 cup roughly chopped cashews, preferably unsalted
w/w flour
Milk; I used almond milk. Plain soy or normal cow would work as well.
Seasonings, to taste:
Sage, cinnamon, black pepper, cayenne pepper, thyme, celery salt, oregano, curry
1 Tbl maple syrup
Biscuit Topping:
1-1/2 cups w/w flour
2 Tbl ground flaxseed
1Tbl baking powder
2 tsp cinnamon
seeds from squash, if available
1/4 cup shortening (I used Earth Balance non-hydrogenated margarine)
1/2 cup reserved winter vegetable
1 cup appr. almond milk (or your choice)

1. Combine vegetable filling ingredients (except for your winter veg, which should have been cooked ahead of time) on stove top, let sweat until tender.
2. Flour to roux (dump flour and stir until everything in your pan is coated), cook for just a moment to get rid of the starchiness, but don't let burn!
3. Add almond milk until a fairly thick sauce forms, stir in winter veg.
4. Season according to your tastes, I like spice so I went heavy on the black pepper, also on the cinnamon and thyme. Add maple syrup. Pour into baking dish.
5. For your topping, combine all dry ingredients, cut in the shortening. Puree in blender the reserved winter veg, the seeds and about half the almond milk. Pour this into the dry ingredients.
6. Stir and add more milk until mixture is thick but wet. Spread evenly over filling. Bake at 400 for 30-35 minutes or until topping is cooked through and mixture bubbles cheerfully.
7. Restrain yourself from tearing into this amazingness until it has cooled enough to eat.

V is for Valentines

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Pink is overrated, and chocolate makes you poo.
Roses are red, Violets are blue. Tonight I'm reminded, how much I miss you. .

Valentines is like a grapefruit, you either really like it, or you really don't. It can be a giddy, giggly, romantic night, especially if you are a girl and it's not your bill fold going up in flames. It can be a day of mindless sugar crunching, card-giving bliss. It can be the one day that cooties are neutralized and girls aren't too weird. But Valentines can also be a day of tears...a day where the numbness wears away and your heart groans..a day where you feel abnormal for being alone..a day where eating chocolate isn't a pleasure, but a gross survival therapy. Valentines can hurt...but it doesn't have to.

Too often, Valentines is portrayed as a mass birthday-style holiday mainly directed toward women everywhere. A day to receive love. A day to be fawned over, adored, pampered, and an excuse to dress in hideous shades of mauve and pink. What a complicated way to set the majority of people up for disappointment. Sitting back and waiting for other people to love on you is a sure way to spend a day waiting, and ending it unfulfilled.

So this Valentines, be pro-active. There are hundreds of people around you that are starving for a little affection, especially today. You don't know the difference you could make in a person's life, just by making them smile. Leave chocolates on a desk, send a text, make a call, jot a note in a $.50 WalMart spongebob valentine, it doesn't take much. Besides, when you find that person that makes every day a little better, Valentines will still be overrated, and those candy conversation hearts will still taste like chalk.

Feb 6, 2011

*Today, I made bread sticks to rival all bread sticks. Light and fluffy and garlicky and melt in your mouth and stick-to-your-hips-forever good, I was forced to make a hasty retreat from work to resist them.

*I was going to take a nap, but there was something about the rapidly dwindling daylight that tied my shoes to my feet and shoved me out the door. Running in the dark is so much more aesthetically pleasing to the eye, because when the passerby can not see your sweaty pink face, fists clenched to offset frostbite and open mouth gasping for air, a runner can actually appear rather graceful. Perhaps it is the ego boost that makes evenings runs seem like more of an accomplishment.

*How on earth does a person acquire a nickname like Tinkerbell?

 *I spend too much of my time fearing the unknown, thinking about the "what if" factor, and these fears cause me to spiral into an attitude of just surviving each day, not trying, just getting by. This morning in my quiet time I read "The complacency of fools destroys them; but whoever listens to me (wisdom, in Proverbs) will dwell secure and will be at ease, without dread of disaster." And it made me think, I don't want to be a fool. If complacent people are fools, I will not be complacent. The opposite of complacency is diligence and passion, and I want to apply the energy of that to everything I do. And how appropriate is it that the benefits of setting aside complacency would be peacefulness and security?

Define the day.

Anyone will tell you

That each day starts anew. 

That every day you can make up

What you have failed to do.  

But what if sometime that day comes

Where everything goes right.

What happens then, when that day ends?

Wiped away by night,

And gone.

Even if tomorrow

Has some accomplishment

Is it not still destroyed because

Yesterday was perfect?

Is every day a failure then

Because you’ll never know

Which day you will be at your best.

There is just today

Just now.

Four Top

I was informed the other day that when I write, I predictably essay on the same four subjects repetitively: running, cooking, Cooper and moose. So for the sake of habit, today I have a little on each.
“Running reminds me that there is more to me than what is readily apparent most of the time.”   (–Kristen Armstrong) When I read this quote in a recent article in Runner’s World, it struck so close to my heart that I had to repost it. Running is, more than anything, my alter-ego. It is my confident self, it is the dreamer of my life’s dreams, it is the motivator to pursue them, it is the disciplinarian and the teacher of the rewards of hard work. When I run, that is me as a superhero, even if every other part of my life is mundane and routine.
It’s nice to have a passion that is always rewarding, versatile and endlessly repeatable. Running has become such a powerful part of who I am that when I miss a run, I miss a part of my day. This need drives me outside in the worst of weather, at ungodly hours, and in ridiculous looking tights and neon colored jackets. Runners have been called psychologically unstable endorphin junkies. Tis’ true. It’s a comfort to know I’m not the only one.
In one way, Wasilla is awesome: there are sidewalks everywhere. Theoretically, I could run anywhere I want to go. But, it's a war zone out there. It takes a little more than driver's Ed to be able to read the traffic patterns; you need to able to read people. What a person drives can tell you a lot about their style of driving; what a person wears and their habits can tell you a lot more.
There are the Iphone clutching, Subaru rallying, organic underwear wearing yuppies. They speed around like it's okay to run over pedestrians as long as they raise enough awareness over animal cruelty.
There are the Chevy truck driving, Carhart wearing, Dierks Bentele blaring species who, by some weird phenomenon, have created a genre of hillbilly similar to a gangsta. Thankfully you can hear these guys coming before they actually reach you. This is handy because, ladies, I assure you that these cowboy brothas ain’t watching the road.
Okay, enough on running. Last night was the opening night for Last Frontier Brewing Company; Wasilla’s newest restaurant venue of all things manly. Gourmet burgers, pizza, wings, thick cut fries and in-house brewed beer has never been so classy. Officially, we can only seat 74 guests at a time, and last night we were only to seat a specific list of specially invited patrons including Wasilla City Council and the Chamber of Commerce, as well as close to 100 other prominent business owners from the area. Did you catch that? 100+ guests in a venue with a max of 74; and we had a line out the door of people offering cash to get a seat.
This, of course, threw the kitchen into a cosmic array of panic, adrenaline, frustration, elation and hilarity, all in turn. You don’t have time to think; until the storm passes you are a salesman, a mediator, a cook, a dessert connoisseur, an expediter, a superhero, a burn victim, a close comrade, a worst enemy, a preacher and a pirate.
As for Cooper, he is still in boot camp; I spend most of my days trying to refrain from the checking the mail every five minutes..and the neighbor’s mail. Just in case the postman got confused. And yes, I know exactly how many days it is until he graduates.
Thus far there is nothing to report on the moose, they are no doubt planning a major onslaught of terror. I just wanted you to read to the end of the page. I win.

A Short Situation

The name is Brenna. The place is the kitchen of Last Frontier Brewery. The situation? Angry chef.

Chef: "I want to know who was responsible for mopping this floor last night!"

Me: *nervously stops chopping onion* "Um, uh, t-t-that would be m-m-me chef."

Chef: *anticipation of bitching someone out obviously deflates* "Oh, well since you would have to jump up and down on the mop bucket to wring the water out, and the mop handle is roughly 20 feet taller than you, I guess that explains it. Everyone! Until Brenna has a growth spurt or starts taking steroids, she is officially on permanent sweep duty."

Fantastic. Universally recognized hobbit doesn't have to risk potential drowning in the 1/2 inch of mop water on the floor.
Can I just park in the handicapped place already?

The Heart of the Matter

I have an entire list of motivations. I have posters and sticky notes and note cards tacked to the wall, full of quotes and expressions and pictures. Motivation to work out, motivation to smile, motivation to get on the ball. Blah, blah, blah. I love to run, I have the fitness to run, if I went for a run I would feel better. I'm going to Hawaii and I'd like to shed that last five pounds. I want to make a qualifying time for a certain marathon I have in mind. But I don't have the heart to run.

I love to cook. I love recipes and alterations and wandering grocery aisles imagining all the different things I could make. I love to create week long menus and experiment with new ingredients and taste ten million different flavors. I love the smile on someone's face when I make them something amazing, I love the feeling of taking good care of someone's most basic need. But tonight I ate out of a can. I don't have the heart to cook.

I love getting things done; prioritizing, checking things off of a list, feeling accomplished at the end of a day. I love to work and be absorbed in a task and finish it to the end. Right now, I don't think I could get off the couch to save my life. I have no energy, I have no heart.

I've been blessed to have the privilege of loving a person more than I ever thought that I could. I have been blessed to be surrounded with friends and family who love me more than I deserve. I'm happy and I'm healthy and my life is filled with opportunities. Most days I can live off adrenaline and caffeine and endorphins and the mental train of thought that puts my feet in motion. But today my heart hurts. And I can't fix it, because I don't have it.

Mmmmm...chocolate

I may have mentioned before that one of my more serious addictions would be chocolate. My other addiction would be health food. There are only a few venues which can effectively mesh together these rather polar opposite priorities. Luna Bars is one of them. Chocolate peppermint, chocolate raspberry, chocolate chocolate...with fiber! Yes!
Unfortunately, I pretty much need a separate budget category for my Luna Habit. Or not, here we go.

Chocolate Energy Bars

2 cups puffed rice cereal (I used Kashi GoLean)
2 cups rolled oats
1 Tbl flax meal
1/4 cup honey
1/4 cup molasses
1tsp cinnamon and vanilla
5 Tbl unsweetened cocoa powder
2tsp stevia (or 1/4 cup brown sugar)
1/2 cup vanilla soymilk (or milk)
1/2 cup whatever you like: cashews, chocolate chips, dried cherries, sunflower seeds etc.

1. Combine chocolate powder, soy milk, molasses, honey and stevia in sauce pan over low heat until chocolate is melted and mixture slightly thickens.
2. Combine all dry ingredients in bowl, pour liquid over top and stir until well combined. Add more molasses/honey if needed.
3. Bake at 350 for 10-12 minutes until top is slightly dry. Allow to set at room temp.

Who I am Today

Sitting in my kitchen, drinking coffee, I am utterly calm. I really can't remember the last time I was relaxed. Not my body, my mind. I am not carefree, nor am I energized or confident. My mind is blank. I love it. 

I wonder how many runners encounter moose? Today, I'm considering some of the reasons that I run. It's so ingrained into my behavior that I rarely even think about it. When I'm happy, I go for a run. When I'm sad, I run to feel better. When I'm peeved, I run because there is nowhere else for that energy to be funneled into. Going to the gym is nice, cross training is nice, weights are challenging...but to me, there's just nothing like a good long run; especially on a brilliantly sunny day, when the fresh snow is sparkling and coating the ice well enough to make the sidewalks passable. These are days when I can lose myself.


1. I ran 12 miles today.
2. I passed two dogs, a mini-dachshund-rat-thing, and a moose. Twice on the moose.
3. I have a blister the size of Manhattan, and will be taping my feet for at least a week.
4. I don't usually plan my runs; they just occur when I need to balance the emotional buildup of my day. There's a feeling in my gut that pushes me out the door. Sometimes, I run just so that I don't have enough breath to cry.
5. Right now, I feel safe.
6. I haven't eaten any animal products in a week. I feel fantastic.

7. Today, I set the time I want to beat in a half marathon.
8. I'm have smoky navy bean and sweet potato soup simmering in the crock pot.
9. Cooper and I are eleven months today..how appropriate that I also got my first letter from him in my mail box this morning. If I miss him any more I'll end up running an impromptu marathon before he gets home.
10. There is no ten.

Thems old ladies gonna kill me..

So according to a pretty routine Wednesday morning, I went to the gym right after my pumpkin pie and coffee had digested. Started out with a couple pretty speedy miles on the stair master, then moved onto lower body free weights because I tend to shirk on those after a run. Did half an hours worth of weights and core, then hopped on the treadmill. I was contentedly lost in my own little world of Taio Cruz, upcoming marathons, fitting into skinny jeans and still being able to outrun Cooper when he comes back from boot camp. Then someone touched my elbow.

Let me just add a little side note here about touching a runner when they are contentedly basking in the world of endorphins and well earned body odor: you just don't do it. Especially if said runner is on a treadmill, and ESPECIALLY if you are not completely prepared to catch them as they go airborne. Yes, this is experience talking; thankfully not experience from today.

Anyways, I turn around, about to give someone a death glare and a sweaty smack, this little old lady is looking up at me; another similar creature is standing behind her.
"Excuse me miss, would you like to join our spinning class? We need one more person or the trainer can't do it." Seriously? I had visions of me saying no, and a week later the EMT's putting this lady into ambulance for a heart attack or something that might have been prevented if that class had happened. Besides, how hard could it be?

I think my mistake was in assuming that I was going to something similar to an aerobic knitting class. Wrong. An hour later I had been introduced to a few muscles I didn't know I had (probably the ones your only use when you're giving birth or something), and I couldn't hold my arms up long enough even to fix my ponytail.
I hope that I'm still going to the gym when I'm 100. Now for a post-workout Metamucil shake. Just kidding.

Unorganized Honesty

It's been so long since I've consistently blogged, that I'm not even sure this is being read. Somehow, that makes my writing even more honest. And if someone does happen to read it, well, they can always close the tab and I will continue typing in anonymity once again. It's strange the coping methods one develops when you lose grasp of the primary object keeping you sane. Sometimes ironically enough, that object which you need the most is the one you most take for granted. For everyone it's different. Me? I lost my remote control.

To understand what goes on in my head, I guess I would have to say that I deal with a little bit of a fear of abandonment. If I was still under the age of ten they would probably call it separation anxiety. I don't like to be alone. The irony of this is that it is my nature to keep people at a distance at all times; if they aren't close to me, they can't very well desert me. For a few people I've let this wall down. And that is why I am lonely tonight.

Don't think that I'm writing this because I think that someone in cyber-world actually gives a rip about my unstable, phobia-prone emotions. I'm writing this because if they can relate at all, they should know they aren't the only one. Anyways, back to coping methods. Writing has always kind of hung out on the back burner of my interests, coming forward usually when a literary assignment is required, though that hasn't happened much since high school, or when something happens that sends me into a peeved off rant. Lately, I write everything down. I write letters daily, keep a journal, keep another journal about my culinary endeavors separately, and also give love to two blogs alternately.

I spend a lot of time at the gym. Running has always soothed me through most every situation for the last few years. I know it's been said before, but sweating is somehow therapeutic. Usually I run alone, but lately I've been enjoying the comradeship of fellow body odor challenged, endorphin junkies at my gym. Hours can pass and feel like minutes..there is something about pushing yourself to the max and not breaking that gives you confidence to face the rest of your day.

The kitchen has been calling my name hourly. Not in the eating way, in fact, I'm rather the opposite when it comes to stress eating, because I don't. I create lists and organize recipes and arrange shopping lists so that even the black hole of culinary arts, into which I pour my endless creative energy, is tightly controlled and regulated. My life becomes a series of lists, and to-do's put into perfect chronological order, and color coded priorities neatly posted where they will catch my eye.

It is epically important for me to keep a strong front. Happy/smiley photos duly posted, comical comments and messages to caring friends are timely measured out. I'm doing great, I'm fine. My earrings are organized by color. I'm fantastic, hanging in there. My next week is scheduled into 20 minute increments to ensure maximum productivity. I'm fan-freaking-dandy. I just spent the last two hours reading labels and recipes to make sure I am not accidentally ingesting whichever food product I'm currently eschewing from my life. I'm smiling, I'm laughing. I'm fooling you.

My entire life is a series of steps to set up buffers around me, behind which I will hide to keep away from all preventable failures. My biggest fear would be losing control of the screen across which I play the clips of my life that I wish to be seen. But guess what I've gone and done? I dropped the remote into someone elses' hands. You notice you can never quite control your movie without the remote, because the player doesn't have all the buttons. Scenes you bored with meander by, scenes that hurt to watch crawl by, because without a ready skip or mute button the entire movie is going to play.

Maybe that's why tonight I'm a little more honest. It might be better if this post just meanders on unnoticed, and gets buried under epic tales of hamsters and pumpkin cheesecake and moose on my morning runs. Or maybe tonight I'm writing this to keep me honest. Honesty is the only coping method I haven't organized.

An apple a day may kill you

No, this is not another note on the nutritional benefits pertaining to whatever food I am currently obsessed with. This is one of those notes where I rant about the item I am currently perturbed with. So if you don't want to know, go back to what you were doing; UNLESS you are reading this blog on an Iphone. The notorious item of the day would be Apple. Not the literal, full of fiber and vitamin C fruit that grows in warmer climates and (pre-pesticides) is actually rather good for you; I mean the Apple that invented, among many things, the Iphone.

Today it snowed, quite a bit; not uncommon considering I live a fair distance from the equator. On my way home from the gym I had taken into consideration the present weather conditions, and committed to driving accordingly. Good thing too, because along came two moose, hop-trot-skipping across the trail known as the freaking highway of death to all creatures of nature. I noticed them. I also noticed the oncoming blue F-350 that did not notice the moose. I layid on my horn and flashed my lights, trying to get their attention. The driver, a man, looks up just in time, misses the moose by swerving towards me, misses me by over-correcting into a graciously unoccupied lane, and then is gone. I continue on.

Two seconds later it hit me: he had to look up. Facebook probably already knows this guy almost hit a moose.

There are an uncomfortably frequent number of times where I am stopped at an intersection and glance over into another car idling beside me, and see the driver on their phone. Usually an Iphone. The light turns green, and nine times out of ten the driver releases their foot from the brake before putting down their phone. And I'm like, seriously? I would love for you to run into me. I'd sue you for enough money that you would be reduced to snail mail for communication. I bet you wouldn't be writing a letter while waiting for a left turn.

Review a drivers ed course, especially the part where they talk about the wind shield and its useful function of being looked through. There should be a mandatory phone holder installed in all cars. Like a breathalyzer, you wouldn't be able to start your vehicle unless your phone was safely put away. Or perhaps phones should sense when they are moving at more than 15 mph, and lock themselves until the driver can somehow verify that they are buckled in and paying attention. There has to be an app for that.

So do everyone a favor, you apple-every-second-of-the-day-people. Please put your phones down when behind the wheel. I don't want to choke on your apple.

Mediocre Musings

A couple of things about today: this is the first week of the month of November, the month of Thanksgiving. It is a long honored tradition to remember at least one thing that you are thankful for, every single day. For most of us, if we can think of one thing, we can think of ten. There are the bigger blessings, like family, friends and freedom; and there are smaller blessings, like being able to afford comfortable clothing, and more than a meager amount of food. There are even blessings that we may never see, though we possess them: a hand of protection over our lives when we were not aware that we were even in danger; an act of kindness performed in secret by others with ourselves in mind. Some blessings we are unaware of, and some we deny exist. Regardless of what I see as good and bad in my life, regardless of what I think is beneficial, regardless of the constant lust for ‘more’, here are a few things for which I am thankful, today.
1.)    I am thankful that at least twice a year, I can blame my confusion at life on Daylight savings time.
2.)    I am thankful for day planners. Albeit you have to check them once in a while for them to do you any good, they are handy none the less.
3.)    I am thankful for clocks. Even when every one of them says something different, and I have to Google what time it is.
4.)    I am thankful for Google. Next to my mother, it is my greatest resource of common-sensical information.
5.)    I am thankful for my mother; she taught me both to cook and drive. I hope that one day I am as brave as her.
6.)    I am thankful for moose: in my freezer as opposed to my windshield.
7.)    I am thankful for stuff that goes with everything; crocs, pumpkin, ranch dressing etc.
8.)    I am thankful for the things in life that fix stuff; hugs, band aids, long runs, chocolate etc.
9.)    I am thankful for kitchens without smoke alarms. It is incomparably inconvenient to stop what you’re doing and wave a magazine around at the ceiling. Though, if I had a smoke alarm, I probably wouldn’t keep forgetting my toast..
10.) I am thankful for rainy days. If they didn’t force me to take a day off every once in a while I probably wouldn’t have any knees left.


Resolution Shmezolution, what were last year's anyways?

As the holidays have come to an end, I was giving some thought today of the significance of this new year that we are just embarking upon. Different from Thanksgiving and Christmas, New Years is a time that we attempt to find ways to make it last all year. It is the motivator for the betterment of ourselves over the upcoming 365 days. It is the day we determine to purify ourselves of the gluttonous effects of the holidays, to organize our lives, to make more memories, to learn something new, etc etc.

Usually if we make a handful of resolutions, we are able to stick to maybe one, if that. And once we have broken a resolution, do we have to wait the rest of the year for another chance to start over? What progress is there in that?
As human beings we are ridiculously creative and intelligent, (for the most part), and we live in a constantly changing world. There is no way to know of the opportunities that will be gained or lost in the coming year, no way to know if our resolutions are even feasible. We leave ourselves with little room for recovery if they are not.

So this year, instead of resolving to change the little things, let us look at the bigger picture. Let us have vision. With vision, we are able to have a plan. To constantly identify goals; to consistently examine ourselves and our personal growth, and to align our aspirations to the circumstances we find ourselves in. With vision we are able to crash and burn, learn from our mistakes, and rise higher. There are several ways to meet a resolution: you can meet it exactly as you planned on last New Years, or you can meet from a standpoint of trial and error, overcoming it in the best way possible, rather than just as a task completed.

Curious Conversations with Cooper

Cooper: "Plato's Closet? Really Brenna? I already an unhealthy amount about Banana Republic and your obsession with plaid."
Brenna: "Cooper, I have been to 4 gun stores in the last day." WIN

**Brenna has just spent the last 20 minutes working on a snow fort. Cooper walks up.**
Cooper: "Very nice snow fort, except it's facing the wrong direction. No one is going to attack you from the house, you'll get annihilated from the hill. It's okay, I know you don't possess a razor sharp strategic brain concerning the things of war. You're pretty cute though." FAIL

Cooper: "HAHA that guy is in drivers ed. and he just pulled up past a stop sign. Fail!!"
**Car goes and Cooper pulls up past the same stop sign**
Me: "Cooper!"
Cooper: "I'm not in drivers ed. it doesn't count!"
Me: "Well I'm not in the second grade anymore, so I think I'll spell Connecticut with a K." WIN

**Cooper is reading a magazine**
Me: "What's that?"
Cooper: "It's a Magpul blah blah blah..." (Blahs inserted for where I lost the explanation about the, what else, gun.)
Me: "For shooting Magpies?" (Me adding my natural wit and humor to the situation, since I didn't really know what was going on, and I didn't really want further explanation.)
Cooper: "Magpies!? AAH. Go away. Go Facebook or something."FAIL

Variety and Cinnamon: The Spice of my Life

Oddly enough, I was informed a few days ago by my personal trainer that I "run too much". As in..I don't do anything besides running, which is pretty close to true, unless you consider my coffee drinking to be in its own category of athletics. I don't think they have insurance policies specifically for the knees of an otherwise healthy person.
So today, to add some semblance of variety, I ran 3 miles at a 3% incline in 22:00, did another mile on the stair master, (I refuse to use an elliptical machine until 1, my knees actually go out; 2, I miraculously gain some supernatural form of patience; or 3, I have a grandchild). And I finished up with free weights and lots of abs and arms. Running 30m/week really doesn't give a person much in the way of biceps, odd.
I still don't think there is really such a thing as running "too much", but I realized that there may be such a thing as running unbalanced. After focusing on one muscle group for so long, the variety of the last few workouts felt amazing. Being sore for the first time in months felt like progress.
Oh, and educational tidbit of the day. Cinnamon is good for you. Like really really really good for you.
Top 10 reasons to add cinnamon to your oatmeal, pancakes, cereal, baked cooks, stews, and even chili:
1) Lower you LDL cholesterol. That means less heart attacks. That's good. Put it in oatmeal for double the benefit and you have a valid excuse to eat oatmeal for one less meal a week.
2) Cinnamon regulates blood sugar, making it especially beneficial for people with Type 2 diabetes. That does not mean that it cancels out the 10 bazillion ounces of sugar in a cinnamon roll, sorry.
3) Cinnamon has been shown to reduce the proliferation of lymphoma and leukemia cancer cells. Less proliferation, less cancer, savvy? Imagine what it can do in terms of prevention for the cancer-free.
4) Cinnamon has an anti clotting effect on the blood. So not recommended in you have lost a limb and are rapidly bleeding out, but if you have a history of strokes in your family, sprinkle some cinnamon on your apple slices. Apples are good for you too. =)
5) Cinnamon and honey are a power couple. The benefits of these two combined would take up far too much room in my essay, so here's the most important one for people like me that are acutely aware of where their joints are: cinnamon and honey significantly relieves arthritis pain. Chai tea with cinnamon/honey? Yes please.
6) The smell of cinnamon has been shown to significantly sharpen cognitive memory function. I wouldn't recommend snorting cinnamon before a test, but baking cinnamon twists with your kids could creative better quality memories than a photo album. (No wonder pastry class was a breeze ;)
7) Cinnamon reduces both the duration and intensity of the common cold. For someone who would rather blow her nose ten thousand times than drink Theraflu, this is very handy news.
8) Cinnamon is a natural metabolism booster. Nuff said.
9) Cinnamon is believed to be a natural remedy of kidney stones. I've heard those hurt.
10) And my personal favorite...We have established that cinnamon is pretty not bad for you..we have also established that cinnamon and honey is amazing together. Add some pumpkin full of beta and alpha carotenes, vitamins A and E, fiber, potassium and magnesium and you have a darn good reason to eat pumpkin pie all year round!