Vigilant Vocal Chords and Violence.

Dear Mango,

I hate you.
You are a stupid dog.
Normally I would tolerate your unintelligence if only for the fact that a little girl named Abby adores you.
But lord knows that it is 1:30 in the morning and that I have to be semi-consciously flipping eggs in five hours.
To sum up, deal with whatever problem you are having outside, or I will walk out the door in my bathrobe and crocs and remove your vocal chords with my bare hands.
Love always,
The girl who feeds you, takes you running and secretly is planning your assasination.

PS: If your problem is something like a grizzley bear, mongoose, large dinosaur or an alien invasion, please leave it alone. I'd like to kill you myself.

PSS: (Five minutes later.) Great. You woke the marathon hampsters up. Your life is so over.