Common sense and Backpacks.

Back packs are handy items. They are especially useful for carring around neccesities. Commonly found in my lime green backpack would be my keys, my gym pants, a chef's hat, a toothbrush, and an odd assortment of peanut butter and other ingredient (eg: banana or cheese) sandwiches. Since the depths of the average backpack is a dark and jumbled mess, and to find anything one must dig violently around, carefully consider the dangers which you are subjecting your hands to.


Such as fillet knives. If you are going to keep such items in your backpack, at least do more than just make a mental note that they are there. Mental notes may be compared to dry erase boards filled with important messages, but which are cleaned by a zamboni at random intervals. Use red tape, or draw a skull and cross bones on the front, or invest in one of those sticks of gum that when you pull it it shocks you and use that as a zipper pull. Anything to slow down the mental zamboni.

Reasons to store knives properly in knife cases and not create backpacks of death:

1.) Stitches hurt. (Though they do make you look like a pirate, which is pretty much sweet.)

2.) Bandaids are expensive, and sometimes there aren't any normal ones left on the shelf and you end up with something like spongebob or Hannah Montana personalized bandages.

3.) No matter how small of a cut it is, blood is a very sneaky substance and will end up smeared across any white article of clothing you are wearing.

4.) In case you haven't realized, the average person only has 10 fingers. The average person also lives to be about 70. That means that you can only afford to lose about 1-1/2 fingers every 10 years. If you keep your knife in your backpack every day, for your average career of 40 years, and you cut yourself once in every 10 times you're digging for your lunch, and you lose 1/10th of a finger every time...well. Don't ask me what the math is but I'm pretty sure you don't have enough fingers to go around.

5.) If your thumbs are the first to go, your wardrobe will be limited to sweatpants, velcro shoes, sports bras and any shirts you don't have to button.

6.) Even if your teeth are in perfect condition, you will have to nourish yourself through a straw. If you are still foolishly intending on keeping you knife in your bag, I would suggest you invest in a blender. (On a side note, once you're down 6 or 7 digits you won't be able to hold a toothbrush anyways either.)

7.) You will be hungry a lot because there is a knife guarding your sandwich. This problem will eventually be eliminated, however, by reason #6.

8.) You will always have to tip your waitresses around 75%, because not only will they bring you food, they will have to feed you. Or provide you with a blender and push all the buttons for you.

PS: Other items which should never be found in backpacks: rattlesnakes, chainsaws, vials of hydrocloric acid, rabid guiney pigs, and last month's peanut butter sandwich.