With a fully-assembled ten seconds of consciousness on my repertoire for the day, I stumbled out of bed and downstairs to let the dogs out. This always makes me feel like a good pet owner- the basic feeding, watering, allowance or reversal of freedom etc, even if they are not my pets. Similar to children, I am currently in the market only for returnable dependents.
Noticing that the temperature was at a point of semi-decency this morning, I forewent the usual ritual of up-down-turn-around-zip-tie-lace-up-layer preparation associated with venturing into the outdoors, in Alaska, in February. Besides, my survival apparatus coffee mug was in my truck, a mere 20 steps away from the front door. “I’ll-coffee-just be-need coffee-quick”, said my ever alert and innovative mind.
The dogs were barking, typical; most likely asking their own urine stream what right it had to be on the property. I reached into the cab of my truck and retrieved the mug, just as one of the dogs (Jo) raced between my legs, under the open door of the truck, and stopped. “That’s-coffee-slightly-coffeecoffee-odd”, is what I was thinking as the second dog (Bear) raced in on the heels of Jo, and proceeded to hide behind her haunches.
Minor details were beginning to register: 1) Freaking out dogs, three of them. 2) No coffee. 3) Two dogs showing great faith that I will be able to save them from...well, from whatever. 4) Aren’t I missing a dog?
Glancing up, my brain function suddenly jumped from .5 mph to somewhere around the speed of pimple growth on an 8th grader. Three thoughts flashed through my mind, nearly simultaneously: You know how rabbits have a high rate of return? Send three rabbits into the woods, they will return with three thousand, etc. So, apparently, do dogs, only in a little more ambitious way; which leads me to my next thought.
Glancing up, my brain function suddenly jumped from .5 mph to somewhere around the speed of pimple growth on an 8th grader. Three thoughts flashed through my mind, nearly simultaneously: You know how rabbits have a high rate of return? Send three rabbits into the woods, they will return with three thousand, etc. So, apparently, do dogs, only in a little more ambitious way; which leads me to my next thought.
“HOLYPISSEDOFFMOTHEROFBULLWINKLEFROMHELL”.
Yes, that was my thought, in its most correct form, as the last dog (Earl) also came sprinting around the corner with an irritated moose hot on his heels. I suppose moose are not morning people either. My last thought was seeing myself from an outside perspective, something to this effect:
If only road runners wore crocs. 
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